Testing, Testing... 1, 2, 3... Testing...
I'm afraid I'm not used to writing in English nor do I who if I can ever paint my words so they depict how I feel...
Yes, words have colors, taste, texture...
They can leave an awful aftertaste... Leave you blinded like a deer by headlights... Paralyzed... Speechless... Motionless...
They can shatter a soul or save a life... My words have done both but not in these vocables... I'm used to the music that plays from my texts in the language I'm more versed in. I know intimately as one knows the scent of a lover or the feel his presence with eyes shut...
But this is how I must make music now... It's worth a try...
Here goes... Sigh
What if?
I had been stronger...
I had said no...
I would have nodded...
I'd ran away...
I'd been courageous..
I'd hidden...
I'd gotten lost...
If I had died...
He didn't let me go. Grow.
Be someone as I passed the birth canal. He deemed that moment I was to be no one, nothing, an embarrassment, a joke, a predictable failure.
And I agreed. He knew best. After all he was the tutor, the mentor, the example so anything he said had to be true. It has to be true!
If he sees nothing in me is worth mentioning, he has to be right. He HAS to love me. Doesn't have a choice... So if he has the love in him and sees me through loving eyes, how can he be seeing something unfocused?
No, he sees me well. He knows me well. I make the ones who once thought him wrong, agree with time by staying at my side and falling into desperation of seeing me destroy myself. I implode so nobody sees. Everything is burnt and liquid inside but my Cape shows what their eyes want to see, not what I am indeed...
Strange melody that rings from these words... Not quite right yet. Needs tuning. A better beat. An intimate tune that stays in your mind like a jingle on TV...
Who knows if I'll overcome the lack of lexic that stifle my mind and make my hands hesitate on the keyboard...
Definitely, needs tuning...
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